Fresh

Today was pretty ok. Of course I still have a ton of school work and my back hurts, but I'm fine. It's a good feeling when I'm not completely stressing out. I hate that feeling when I feel like I'm losing my mind. It's a great feeling when I can understand something in school when I didn't before. It's such a relief.

I have a feeling *knock on wood* that "Air Freshener" is going to be an Epic sound.

A few minutes ago I was on myspace and came upon one of my old classmates page. She has changed so much it's sad. She use to be a a girl who was a tom boy and hung out with all the skater guys and girls. Now she's still a skater girl, but wears clothes that barely cover her. I've heard a lot of terrible stories about her from her older sister that was in band with me. What happened? She had to move away, that's what happened.

My break from HW was over 5 minutes ago. I guess I should finish APUSH.

-Riot!Ross

Dinner Time

I passed. Better yet, I got an A+. Oh, I'm guessing you're wondering on what. Well I got an A+ on my APUSH exam!!!! I was so happy. All that studying payed off. Brian STILL beat me..but whatever, he's boy genius and I'm happy for him. I'm happy for all of us.

Journalism was very productive today. I added 3 articles to the paper and I still have to add 1 more so far. I basically have my own music page. It should be titled, "Jenay's Beats" or "Jenay's Music Page". That would rad. I won't have to worry about the whole number of word thing since all my articles will count as double. yeeee!

Although a lot of good things were happening today, Chemistry still hampered my mood. I was getting really confused (probably because I was tired) and it just threw my good mood out the window. That stress factor heightened again, but I got starbucks. haha. Doug called me too and it made me feel a little better. I miss him.

I really hope we made auditions of this Friday. I'm knocking on wooden and praying to God. Well, maybe not the praying part.

I have so much on my plate right now. I'm just going to focus and devour the meal up.

-Riot!Ross

With Them By My Side

I just finished studying for my APUSH exam. I studied for at LEAST 8 hours. That's 8 hours of reading stuff that makes me want to fall asleep. I sure hope I get at least a decent grade. Man, 85 questions in 55 minutes. That's sure intimidating. All I can do is zap into my brain and do the best I am possible of. I'll try not to stress tomorrow.

I lost a lot of studying time yesterday when mom and I went over to Kc's house. We always end up staying super late talking about stuff going on at school. Her mom is hilarious. I love how Kc and I have been friends for so long. I love that girl.

I don't think I blogged about Friday, so if I did, oh well, I'm going to talk about it anyway. I actually didn't feel stressed out. Brian is great. He kept asking if I was feeling better than Thursday. I don't know what I would do without my friends, especially Janessa, Jackie, and Brian. We seem to have each others backs this year. It's great how we've all become so close. With them by my side, there's nothing I can't do.

I hate how I can't see Doug everyday like I could last year, but now that he goes to DVC and has a job, it's a little difficult. I can sometimes see him once a week max. It's hard, but I hope we can make it through. He's been really supported of me when I stress out. He always tells me I'll be fine. I love his encouragement. Maybe I'll see him Friday if AP is able to perform during lunch. I hope so...

-Riot!Ross

"Breathe In, Breathe Out"

I meant to blog about my day yesterday, but it completely slipped my mind until I shut off of my computer. =/

Yesterday was my grandpa's 80th birthday. As he gets older and as I get older it worries me a bit, but I try not to think about it. Papa may look 70 but in reality he isn't. The time line of life is never known. I hope there will be MANY more years to come where I can wish him a Happy Birthday. I wish that for all my loved ones.

Auntie Vanita and Uncle Austin came to pick up Frisco too. You won't believe what Auntie brought back from New York City for me. She gave me a really cool pair of pants, this rad $60 belt (holy Jesus), and she paid me $200 (!) for taking care of Frisco. That's over $20 something dollars a day. Insane! I wish I was a millionaire. She is so generous. I have to make sure to spend it wisely like always. I really want that new camera.

School is still overwhelming. We received our progress reports yesterday and it looks like I have earned a 4.2 so far! I hope I can maintain it for the rest of the month until the grading period ends.

I hate being such a downer at school. I'm always in a terrible mood, but I can't help it. At times I just feel like shutting down. I hate when people ask if I'm ok. It feels like they have to ask it too many times now. I don't want to be the "death" of the party.

Love is beginning to become a really weird thing for me. I want to feel that amazing connection, but I seem to have slightly lost it. It scares me. =/ I see how Craig comes to school 2/3 times a week after college just to see Janessa. I envy her sometimes. I envy Jackie too for how she can never stop smiling.

I've never really been really religious but I find myself gaining my strength from the will I have within myself and the hope that God will help me through this all. Some people say Senior year is the "relax" year, but I think it'll be the exact opposite for me next year.

-Riot!Ross

Keep Your Head On Straight

All of us (meaning my friends and I ) all seem to follow the same pattern that leads to tiredness. It always ends in stressing out and super sleepiness. Thank God for contemporary music (although that's stressful at times haha) I need to just calm down before I have like an anxiety attack or something.

Speaking of attack, what the heck is Doug thinking???! The Navy? Has he gone insane. Everyone I told so far said yes. I hope he isn't serious. It's so random and not thought out. He can't leave. He can't leave me. He can't leave life. He needs to just stick to his original communications plan. It's a lot safer.

I feel like Asian Persuasion is reaching the top of CM. We've done so well so far. Everyone loved our ballad today. It was just a rough draft thing..but we were the only ones finished haha. "You guys were perfect" =]

I am going to eat some icecream and chill with my mom. I need life to calm down. It's getting kind of overwhelming to live.

-Riot!Ross

Life Is Suffocating

I wish I had more time for myself. I feel like I'm always doing homework or something that my mom wants to me do. It's a little overwhelming. Maybe I'm overreacting a little, but I would appreciate it if my mom would leave me alone when I was online. I understand maybe I'm on it too much. But in reality, I'm not. I have to check up on updates and mail and that takes morathan five minutes. I feel like I'm doing a freaking sin when I go on cause she always gives that "On again?" look. Well, excuse me if I work hard on hw for hours. I think I deserve a little time online.

I feel like such a Fall Out Boy fan slacker. I've been keeping up with stuff, but not like I use to. That might be a good thing though. I used to be overly obsessed with them. haha. I can't believe I'm most likely not going to the FTSK show in october...just because it's a school night. Most of the shows I've been to have been on a school night. I wish my mom would just let me and Janessa go. I need to see Kyle, Joe, and K Dirty!! maan. I am going to be in such a bad mood during band practice that day. Gay.

I've notice that I go through a lot of mood swings. At one moment I'm as happy as could be, then I'm super sad or annoyed. I hate that feeling. Oh, and isn't it bad that sometimes I feel like I never want to wake up in the morning. I would think so. I think I'm just really stressed out and tired. I hope this past soon.

-Riot!Ross

Don't Stop Believing

I feel amazing right now. (Well besides being tired and having back pains) But I got an A on my chem test!!! Holy cow. I am extremely excited. I can't believe I actually did well on it. I'm so happy. I guess my simple logic helped me out.

So CM was not productive today since ALL of the pianos were in use. We really need more pianos so all of us can be able to work. I wish we didn't have to do a ballad. Jeremy feels like there can't be guitar in it...but he'll make it work. I feel like there can be. I want like two "Face melting, goose bump giving, almost to tears" guitar solos in it. I might play the piano part I wrote on keyboard and change the setting to strings. That would be super rad. I want it to be emotional and beautiful. I'll cross my fingers. I really do need to calm down in CM though. Things bother me to easily.

Well, gonna spend some time with my mom.

-Riot!Ross